I have been INSTRUCTED to write another blog.
Not by my agent, not by my publicists, not by my publishers- but by one of YOU. Apparently I should stop what I am doing and write another entry for this blog right this SECOND. The only problem is, I have nothing to write about.
Well, that’s not entirely true. I have plenty to write about. It’s just that I don’t want to write about them.
Shall I talk about working on my new book? I’m almost finished the first draft, if that’s what you’re after. I’ll probably throw out half of it on the rewrite, and so give myself MORE work to do, but you don’t care about my suffering, do you? You only care about the BOOKS. I could be curled up on the floor, sweating blood and wracked with pain, but as long as I have my keyboard down there with me, YOU WOULDN’T CARE.
And before anyone asks, no, I don’t know what it’s called. And before my editor asks, no, I don’t know what it’s about. I’ll know what it’s about when I’m finished, damn it. At least I hope I will. It would be rather worrying to reach the end and realize I have no idea what I’d written. Do you want to read an excerpt? Do you want to read the opening paragraphs? Do you? Are you SURE?
Well you can’t, because I am a mean and spiteful god.
So what else will I write about in this accursed blog? My cats? They hurt me so. Pooper’s not so bad- she just walks all over the keyboard until I sit back and allow her to curl up on my chest for a half an hour of intense purring and occasional bites. But Groomer... Groomer stays around my feet, and every few minutes she’ll rear up and dig her claws into my knees, because she thinks it’s cute.
My dogs have settled in quite well. Although they are so old and arthritic I’ve had to install ramps from my back door to the ground, and from the decking area to the garden. They’re not too good with STEPS, you see, but they’ll roll down those ramps with marvelous enthusiasm.
It is quite embarrassing.
I don’t have much to say about my sister’s twins, except to comment on how cute they are, how small, and that they occasionally poo their pants. When they’re older I’m going to tease them so much about that, they have no idea. Just wait ‘til the speeches at their weddings.
I’m preparing for my Hong Kong/Australia/New Zealand tour, which will kick off next week. I don’t particularly like hot countries, and I don’t particularly like airports in hot countries, but I shall be brave, and try not to complain about the fact that I get to visit all these amazing places while my friends and family get to stay home and have normal jobs like FOOLS. Dark Days is already out over there, so that I’ll have something to sign when I visit. For everywhere else (well, for readers in Ireland and the UK) it’s out in April.
Is that it? Can I stop now? I really do have an awful lot of work to get done. I know I’m a bad blogger. I KNOW. But I can’t help it. Have you READ other people’s blogs? They’re so BORING! They say the same things, over and over and over again. Isn’t it better to say NOTHING, then repeat oneself? Isn’t it?
One last thing, before I go. Your comments. It has actually become very gratifying to know that there are other people out there like me. Not as good as me, naturally. Not as brilliant, or as fantastic, or as admirable, but still- you have potential. Like those two nice American ladies who had that podcast-http://thepoweroffriendship.libsyn.com/index.php?post_id=548724 - which I LISTENED to, the whole way through, and it made me LATE for whatever it is I was planning to do that afternoon. So THANK YOU, nice American ladies, for wrecking my day.
Incidentally, my humour is IRISH, not British. Think of it like this- in their hearts, British people WANT to be Irish. They know we’re cooler, they just don’t like to admit it.
Oh, and Maddi asked two questions about writing. She asked if I told people the plot of what I’m writing before I’m finished, and the answer is, good God no. And don’t think THEY haven’t tried to make me. My editor, bless his twisted little soul, is always trying to get me to send him an outline, so that we can iron out any problems in the story before I get to them. I understand the request, but that isn’t how I work. If I plan out every little detail, I lose enthusiasm for the writing. And if someone else knows even the loosest structure of what I’m planning to do, I lose enthusiasm for the story itself.
Put simply, if I tell the story, even in an outline, then I’ve already told that story- so what’s the point of writing the book?
Not every writer is like this, by the way. Some plan it all out so that by the time they get to writing, it all flows onto the page. I’m not saying these writers are doing it wrong, but... actually yes, that is what I’m saying. Everyone should do it the way I do it, but obviously not as good.
Her second question was do I take onboard other people’s suggestions, as regards the direction of the books. And once again, the answer is good God no. I take onboard suggestions when it comes to editing- I will accept any good idea if it makes the book better, and then pretend I thought of it first. But the direction of the books is all mine. No one, not my publishers or my agent or my friends or family, knows where this series is going. And I’m not going to tell them, either.
The joy of being a writer is in the telling of the story. That’s all that matters, and that’s all we care about. I'm not going to spoil that by telling someone how the story ENDS.
And that's it! Another blog over with! I shall write one more before I go on tour, and then I'll keep you up to date with the hilarious goings on while I'm over there. It will be a TOUR BLOG, full of funny things that happen to me, like getting lost, like not understanding languages, like getting on the wrong plane and actually arriving in Galway and wandering around for three weeks thinking how like Galway Hong Kong is...